September 18th, 2006
yeah i've gotten quite bored with the whole livejournal thing. soccer and ben pretty much run my life now. we're 5 and 1. i have 6 goals and i believe 3 assists right now. im the 3rd top scorer in the frontier league i believe right now..yeah so im really working my ass off. i wanna get noticed. i had a hat trick against T.I a few weeks ago. that was the best feeling ever. the deruyter tourney was interesting to say the least..we didnt make the championship game..it really hurt i guess. to know that we shouldve and we could've won this year. and it being my last year at deruyter and all..i cried. just the feeling sucks really. we're undefeated in the league..big big BIG home game tomorrow against beaver river because they're like 7-0. its gonna be tough. ben is amazing..he completes me. he makes me so incredibly happy and is the greatest guy ive ever met. i love him to death. hes taking me to homecoming this weekend which is gonna be really really fun. maybe not so much the dance but just being there with him will be good. friday night is the search for the silver soccer ball then a bunch of us are hanging out after..soccer game saturday morning at 11 vs. a-bay then the dance..i think a bunch of us are hanging out after that again too..yeah so its gonna be a good weekend. soccer and ben filled. =] couldn't get any better
August 30th, 2006
soccer is amazing. my blisters are so bad though..2 of them are bloody. it's disgusting. i ordered this hot pink cleats off of soccerpro.com..they should be here tomorrow and i'm pumped. i got the last pair..i just hope they fit me or else i'll be quite sad. haha. we had 3 scrimmages today. i scored 3 times. 2 against copenhagen and 1 against belleville. i had so many shots again TI..we tied 0-0 though..should've won. soo ben is coming home for the weekend..i'm pumped. hopefully party on saturday. school tuesday..i think it's gonna be a wicked fun year. im taking intro to sociology through distance learning and so far is pretty good. im also gonna be in another murder myster dinner play..which is gonna be extremely fun so i cant wait for that either. ben is gonna take me to homecoming the 23rd..and i have a soccer game that day so he'll be able to see that. =] i finally got my license..yeah so everything is going extremely well. ive got really good friends now that i realized who they really are. i went with keri and shawnee to lunch today at ponderosa and shawnee told them it was my brithday so seriously like 9287497 ppl came over and sang to me..it was quite embarassing. lol. going out to brittany's later to hang out with a bunch of people so that'll be fun also. i just can't wait for ben to get here friday night. <3 :-)
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: letters to god-box car racer
August 11th, 2006
after all is said and done:
life is wonderful
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: gone so young-amber pacific
August 9th, 2006
why do i always feel like im losing??
i want to amaze someone.
i want to be beautiful to someone.
i want to be someone's everything.
i want someone to be crazy over ME for once.
i want to mean the world to someone.
myabe i want too much..maybe i'm not good enough. I don't know but i'm sick of being unhappy.
i can't get attatched..its so effing hard i cant explain it. i want to so bad..i want this so bad..but no matter what its not gonna work and that hurts. it hurts like hell.
i feel angry. angry at what idk..maybe at myself. why does everyone else seem to be content with who they are..but when it comes to me im so lost. i hate feeling like this..out of control. alright enough of this bullshit..
"The hardest part isn't finding who we need to be, it's being content with who you are."
Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: cartel
August 5th, 2006
hope i did the right thing here..
July 30th, 2006
and the depression sinks in..
July 23rd, 2006
things have been good lately. went to the beach a few days ago with erica and other people for about 4 hours..hellloo sunburn. haha. bonfire the other night at ericas which was really fun. the ride home was even more fun. haha. yesterday was my grandma's surprise retirement party..that was good. there were about 10 little kids here..all in my room. omfg..they were horrible. lol. they were beating the shit outta craig and each other. one girl told craig and i that if we kissed she was gonna tell. lol. one little boy called another girl an asswipe and a dirtbag..then he called craig the n word. lmao. fireworks were good. my strep throat is gone. woot. my cousin corey from SU is coming up for a few days soon. soccer game tmr is gonna suck really bad though..we'll be missing dana, helena, kate, sam, courtney, emily, lindsey..and those are 6 starters right there..haha. then bball tuesday and thursday will suck also..we'll be missing dana, helena, kate, sam, courtney, lindsey, and alex and those are all of the good people..including our 3 pointguards. so it should be quite interesting. well that's it i guess
July 18th, 2006
hey what do you know..i have strep throat. i feel like my summer is wasting away. i havent really done anything amazing. so somebody make some plans with me because i want to go on some sort of expedition/adventure/road trip..just something exciting god dammit
July 12th, 2006
its a lost cause..i cant talk to anybody without them judging me or mis-understanding me
how do i make myself forget
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: here in your arms-hellogoodbye
July 11th, 2006
i don't feel right..i feel empty i feel weak i feel lost i feel scared..im so confused..so hurt. i did all of this to myself..and now i need to find the strengh to get myself out..this is going to be so hard
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: fall out boy